peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
