so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I believe in your delicious
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
