meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
