eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
