She announced her abortion via fbk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
