go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
