burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
