Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
