her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Two words: nipple clamps
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