I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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