I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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