I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize