So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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