he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My life is pants optional.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
