you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
