When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
