Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
