im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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