The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
