my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
