I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Green mimosas i think yes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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