so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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