maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize