guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
