i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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