Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize