If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Redeem this text for a blowjob
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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