i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
