I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
