you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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