I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
