I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize