roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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