Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
