i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
