it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
