That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
