Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
