...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
