that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
