Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
