when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
