my phone needs a breathalizer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
