so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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