my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
