I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
