I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
