You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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