Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Rumble strips road head = magical
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
