Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize