i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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