Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
