just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
