everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
