how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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