So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
