My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
