Where is the hickey?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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