so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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