I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
