Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize