So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
