I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize