I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
