So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize