I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
