it hurts more in the daytime
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
