the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize