your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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