hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
