meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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