Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
