Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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