Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
