Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
