DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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