I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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