Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
