1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
