Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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