i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
