that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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