there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
