i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
