You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
