A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize