I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
