Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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