Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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