Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
