But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
