wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
