So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
