she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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