Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
