Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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