boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
