Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
