I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
