If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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