I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
